Coming out, Our Sacred Task

Starting up this new UU matters blog, I feel excitement wondering where it will lead. Not sermon, not article, what will it be? I'm fantasizing about throwing down all political posturing. I am feeling ecstasy imagining what it would be like to hear my own true voice sound out fully. Although ministry is about serving others, what I appreciate most about it is the fulfillment that comes when I'm being most like myself.

A good part of what we are doing as a religious people is encouraging people to “come out.” The term comes to us from gay liberation. One of the reasons why celebrating lgbtqui people coming out is that we recognized it as an affirmation and acceptance of nature, of who we are. We want this kind of coming out for all humans. We wish to promote the liberation of all souls. Intuitively we know this kind of acceptance to be a religious act.

It is by allowing our true selves to emerge, that we discover the divinity in our humanity. As UUS we are proclaiming that our inherent nature as humans is sacred, whole, lovable and awesome. Celebrating the act of coming out, (with a liberal application of this term) is perhaps our most identifiable UU way of illuminating a portal to a religious experience.

Personally, I know I still need to come out in many ways. I've been careful for too long. How can I preach the tradition of a faith where all souls are saved, if I'm not willing to live it? I must accept the divinity, inherent worth and dignity within myself and act accordingly!

Twenty-one years ago the UUA's ministerial fellowship committee denied my request to enter the search/ settlement process. It was only through grit (that I didn't know I had), that I inched and crawled and found a humble place in this ministry. I tried to be “soooo good.” I believed that I couldn't afford to get into any trouble, because any misstep could result in my getting deported as an undocumented worker in the field of UU Ministry. So I limited my risks. I bit my tongue, and I've eaten a lot of humble pie.

To a large extent I overcame my fear of being cast out, and chose to express my own true voice as a minister. I had to listen to the still small voice within me, and the voice of my own heart more than my fear of what I imagined might get me in trouble. And in truth, my heart still years for greater self expression.

I joined this faith tradition because I believed it would help me have full religious expression. Jesus ministry had touched my soul profoundly in a way that was unacceptable for a Jew. Because UUS affirmed Jesus as a man and because they revered his form of trouble making, I found a home.

Later in seminary, a line in a book confirmed the value of this. In “the Meaning and End of Religion,” Wilfred Cantwell Smith wrote “every man that is today considered religiously great, was at odds with the religion of his day.” I suspect that most UU's can appreciate this quote. It's no wonder we've struggled as the "un-church" or the "almost religion" for so long. Being a religion of people at odds with religion is quite a challenge.

It's a paradox, and a tight rope we walk. We have the courage to love the path of the ethical troublemaker. But in order to make more than just trouble, we must also realize that it's cooperation that makes evolution possible. We must love people, love our congregations, love our denomination, our human race, and life itself. We must care enough to be honest with one another.

In this blog, I intend to care enough to speak the truth in love. I intend to go where spirit leads me, to burst forth from my own private, careful little world. Where will it lead me? Will I be another UU gloating in the joy of complaining. Oh ecstasy, I have just complained about complaining! Will I point out how unbridled are our egos, and in doing so unbridle my own ego?

Echart Tolle says that “ego loves to make somebody wrong because it enables a sense of superiority. I wonder if transparency will expose ego's grip on me?

How can I live without analyzing and interpreting who is right and who is wrong? Isn't critical thinking our sacred cow? Is it our communion? If so, perhaps critically analyzing our “movement” is the UU communion of choice.

If I speak more openly about what I see, feel and need, what will become of me?! If I ease off internal censorship, and express what it's been like to be UU, will it expose me as a chronic complainer? I can also imagine inflating my ego while playing large a martyr script. I could demonstrate how noble I am to express the truth without regard for what it will do to my standing. If I can't be powerful, at least I can be right. Aint I UU?

We eschew martyrdom. We have contempt for martyrdom. We are part of a global marketplace media culture that obsesses on winning. Yet, not far beneath the surface of the fabric of our UU garment, run the strong strands of distrust and low expectations. We defensively choose smugness and cling to our assumed intellectual and educational superiority, in order to hide the fact that we expect mainstream culture to dismiss, reject or overlook us. Because we don't believe we could be powerful, we console ourselves with being right.

Wow! I am amazed to realize how this “shadow” side of me helps me fit right into the UU world. We bond in the shared experience of this delusion. It's delusion because we can be powerful, and we are not "the" right ones. All our preaching about about integrity, conscience and thinking for one's self will be useless unless we can actually demonstrate it in our lives.

Did I say that my blogs would bear no resemblance to my sermons? Shalom Y'all.